I’ve done quite a number of things in my life (quite a number for my age and background) and I’m proud of most and regret little of it. And I haven’t done a lot of things and I’m ok with most things alright – because there are things like I’ve never gotten drunk. But there are things I’m not very proud of, like … I’ve NEVER dated. Nopes, never dated – never kissed a boy (or a girl), never made out, so yeah no hook-ups!
“But, Han!” you’d say. “You’re a great personality. You’re not afraid to be yourself and/or express yourself. And … [blah blah blah]” But, um, I am more on the prick plus drama queen side of things – which people find overbearing oftentimes, even my friends, and which makes for an unattractive personality. Well, at least that’s what I think.
Also, I’m pretty flabby and short with no defined muscles. 158lbs, 5’4″ and Asian – yup, that’s me. And I don’t shave my body hair, but like my face clean. If I were in speedos, you wouldn’t consider me stereotypically gay, even with my hairdo and earrings. I don’t think it’s my looks that matter so much as my personality. I like every event with a little drama on the side. If there isn’t any, I add my own to it. To my mom, my sister recounts her experiences more frequently than I do. But when I do, I make sure it’s some grand tale. And it’s only recently that my mom confessed my sister’s stories are too much of a detailed report. She didn’t make any remarks on mine though, probably because I don’t tell her as many stories. And about drama, I was told once by my piano instructor to play a piece without any emotions – just because I was playing what’s supposed to be a children’s piece with solemn drama. I was adding unnecessary emotions and dampening the sound. She likes it simply (as it should be); I still like it with the heavy drama. And I could attribute my passion for opera to all the drama in my life. Opera’s all about larger-than-life drama set to grandiose music with gorgeous singing in especially built theatres, so yeah, why not?
I have my prick-y side because of my obsession with being unique and my nonconformist ideals. I know I am, by nature, already different from everybody else. But I always go an extra mile to make sure I look, sound, am different from the majority crowd. And I sometimes get to hauling criticism at those who choose to conform to mainstream trends. Don’t you call me a hipster! I criticize the anti-mainstream culture also. Well, I guess I’m overly obsessed with myself and oppose any form of collective cultures.
No matter … The thing is all my life (-ish) I’ve never heard of anyone hitting on me. Well, there’s one girl – but I have good enough reasons to believe that my friends made up this person to get me all excited, since I only heard of her name and never saw her in person. But I was good with the ladies; I could entertain a crowd anytime. I had my quirks in my hometown that could keep conversations running. And when I got to college, I was exotic enough already (because of my cultural background and foreign upbringing) and that’s about anything anyone could ask for in conversation. I have too good an opinion of myself, don’t I?
The first time people hit on me – or the first time I actually know of people hitting on me – is when I started this blog. And it’s not even me they’re hitting and it’s not in the sense of a dating scene. It’s simply people viewing my blog, haha! Way to go!
But seriously, is it possible that nobody ever hit on me? I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not. If anyone’s out there, secretly admiring me, I’d love to find out. But I’m not sure if writing this post is making me less attractive. I like being able to present myself genuinely, but my genuine self can be intimidating and could scare of people easily.