Gay Puns!

I’m gay, but not so gay most of the time – in the happy sense of the word. In many ways, I am one of the many “angry homosexuals,” to quote Ann Coutler. Anyways, I make gay puns very often – especially about the closet and being out -and they get redundant. I don’t know about others but I enjoy them.

#1 – “OUT”

I visited my roommate for Winter Break. We were in New England and I got to see the Atlantic Ocean. Yay, fun! And his family was nice. He would drive around and take me to places, most of them I didn’t know where and who were there. So I would sometimes stay in the car with my seat belt on when he gets out.

He’s say, “Dude, come out!
And I would reply, “I’m already out!

Then he would pull me out of the car with a silly grin. I didn’t care who was around or which end of the political spectrum they fell on. My roomy didn’t seem to feel comfortable with my extremely open outness, but we had our fun moments. I can’t remember for sure, but he might also have said, “I’m not gay,” when I told him to get out of the car or something.

#2 – The “CLOSET”

My dorm room was a double and had 2 closets. The curtain to mine was broken, so I was never literally in the closet. My roommate would change with the curtain closed, so he would be in there often. I change with my Burmese sarong on – which can be a mini mobile changing curtain. When his girlfriend comes to visit him and he’s changing, she’d ask where he was (although she knew) and I’d say, “In the closet … He hasn’t come out yet. That’s why he’s still dating you.” She would always enter the room with a sheepish smile after that. She’s a nice girl and I love her, but I always say mean things to her.

Ok, here’s a confession on the sidelines, I always had a man-crush on my roommate. It’s not a crush-crush, not that kind of like-like situation. He’s just an incredible person that I happen to be so very fond of. I would get jealous of the girl when my roommate doesn’t set aside much time to spend with me.

#3 – The Vegan Eats “MEAT”

I recently told a gay-bud of mine that I like lean, androgynous guys, and he happens to have a lean, andro, hippy, poly(amorous), vegan friend. I was ok up to the “polyamorous” part, but “vegan” shocked me. (No offense, vegans!) I just enjoy food too much. Food and fashion are a luxury to me. Having a hippy or a hipster for a partner is not that big of a deal because I don’t have to share their wardrobe. But, food – hell, no! I’m eating all the stuff I think is good and I’m sharing it with you. And you’re gonna share all your good food with me – and it better include meat, seriously.

Me: “Nah-uh, no vegans or vegetarians for a boyfriend – disqualified! I mean, he’s not going to eat meat (if you know what I mean).
My friend: “You could convince him to …” [Apparently he didn’t get it.]
Me: “What if he doesn’t  go beyond his favourite?
My friend: “What do you mean?
Me: “Man meat!

The conversations are slightly paraphrased. I’ll update more in a different post if recall more.


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