Big White Wedding for me?

These days the media (especially in the United States) is exploding on a daily basis on the topic of legalizing same-sex marriage and/or marriage equality – as if they don’t have more important matters to take care of in the great nation of theirs. I say, it should just happen, because you know what? Two people (of whatever gender or whatever personal background) in love tying the knot is not a moral/ethical issue but having public discussions about people’s private lives and choices is! Fighting for (or having to fight for) LGBT rights and equality anywhere in the world is ridiculous. People should simply come to their senses, to be put in a  most civilized manner. Anyway, I got to imagining my wedding and my married family life – some distance away in my future – today.

Wedding cake with a gay couple

Marriage equality should be – not because we want or ask for it, but because it’s the right thing to be.

My mom went to see a second astrologer since I got here. The first one reads the markings on people’s palm and says stuff, and I was there in person. I’m not going to touch very much on the experience. This second one uses something called a “Zartar” and tells stuff. The Zartar is some sort of astrological birth certificate. I don’t know what exactly it has but it’s a list of numbers and records of the stars’ and planets’ positions at the time of a person’s birth, the date, time and place of birth of the person and maybe some information about their parents, I suppose. So both of these two guys saw my dating life/married life as a big issue in my life. Of course, I myself am pretty sure already that I already have all I need to succeed in life. The only things I’m not sure about are my physical and mental health conditions.

The first guy had said that, in my early 20s, I would get into complicated situations with another guy/other guys over matters of the heart and the problems could threaten my life. His words (paraphrased), “You and one or more guys might get into sticky situations over a girl or something.” And I was suggested against settling down until I was 31 at least. It’s kind of the time I intend to settle down, so no big deal. This second guy today stressed on the dating/married aspect of my life as well but not as much in details as the first guy. He was like, “Don’t be hasty in marriage/settling down. Never make decisions by yourself for your love life. You could get into a big mess you can’t get out of. You come from a civilized family background and you could get trapped in the belligerent side of life if you rush into marriage.” And my mom’s been telling me not to date any boys around my senior year at college. I don’t think I can help if the opportunity strikes though.

Oh and the second guy told me (through my mom, because I wasn’t there in person) that I should avoid foods that aren’t good for the digestive system. Perhaps I’m supposed to power-bottom, hahaha. I need to have a clear tract for that, ahem.

Now to the main subject … I am getting married someday. The astrologers also said I probably would, which is a nice thing. But about the prospect of a problematic dating life: what were they thinking, honestly? I’m gay. It’s not simple or easy finding a partner and sticking to one. Haha, but my sexuality is not something they could’ve known, it seems. Despite the still existing opposition against marriage equality, I am most certain I can find a life-long partner and that we can legally get married somewhere. But here’s the thing: do I want a big white wedding? NO!

Flowers at a wedding receptoin

Big white weddings can look pretty and romantic, but they can be silly, too. I’d like to focus more on anniversaries.

I’m a little girl (not literally) who loves and believes in fairy tales and I want a Happily Ever After. I want my Prince Charming to come along and sweep me off my feet Disney songs, take me for a ride on a white unicorn into the sunset, again with Disney songs, to a fairy tale castle where we get married the next day in front of the whole kingdom also to a Disney songs, and live happily ever after whilst playing Disney songs. (Yes, there’s a lethal dosage of that. Que Alan Menken music, please!) But also I have to acknowledge that Happily Ever After does not start or end with a wedding reception. It’s the little moments a couple intimately share with each other and each other only and being able to enjoy them and reminisce about them along the way that make a happy marriage, in my opinion. So a big white wedding is an irrelevant celebration to a Happily Ever After. A wedding should be remembered because it was romantic for the couple, not because it was grand and fleshy and all. But I wouldn’t say that a reception isn’t necessary at all. It should be a celebration of the support of your family and friends of you and your partner’s union. I intend to have a small low-key wedding celebration with only some close friends and few family members.

But I would like to place emphasis on anniversary celebrations. I believe they are the milestones of the Happily Ever After process. It’s like, “Hey, look, we’ve been together this long! We’ve come a long way since we met, and thank you all for your love and support.” Anniversary celebrations should only get bigger – or more realistically, significant – year by year and would be more memorable also. You’ll have either thrived or otherwise economically but you’re still with your partner. You’ll have the family and friends that have supported you all along and who still do. Some friends and family members would be gone, and it could also be a celebration of what they had done in their lives, with reference to yours. You will have children or maybe even grandchildren at some point, new individuals to count in as family members and new friends also. You’ll have had achievements and failures along the way. But the anniversary is about celebrating how you’ve held on together and kept each other company, passion and compassion all through the years and hardship with the help of family and friends. I think anniversary celebrations are more beautiful than weddings. I sometimes even forget my parents’ anniversary the same day on which they got married. And my father’s parents threw a big big party at their place on their 50th anniversary. They were together for over 55 years, I think. My grandma died at age 87 and my grandpa was 85 then. (I have no idea how old they are now.)

So instead of a big white fairy tale wedding, I dream of this instead: On an anniversary between the 20th and 30th or later even, my husband and I will go on a tour of Europe, with our children, pets and our grandchildren (if it’s our 30th plus) . We’ll invite our close friends and relatives for a big celebration in an old Gothic castle. (All the old homohpobic relatives would be dead or too old to travel then, which is kind of a good thing, heehee.) Local delicacies will be served for meals. We’ll have a chamber orchestra and pop singers and leading singers from the nearest opera house, and they’ll perform Classical/Romantic era music and 80’s and 90’s pop ballads and dance music from those 2 decades and Disney songs. It will be beautiful! *happy/excited girly squeals*

Back to the main subject … yeah, people should focus more on anniversary celebrations rather than wedding receptions – because it’s the former that hold more meaning to the relationship and the union. It’s not just for gay couples but also for straight couples. Besides, let’s look at reality, shall we? All celebrity weddings are big white extravagant receptions. How many of those marriages last, hm?


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